As I sit sipping a Chai Tea and munching on a shortbread cookie in front of the fireplace I am thinking about the past year. And it has been a year of challenge and growth for me in many ways. I am remembering the good times, the frustrations, and the surprises that have entered my life. I am also thanking God for the strength and wisdom he has given me as a mom.
Over the year I went through the feelings of “the Lasts” as our youngest son graduated from High School. For me it was a season of my life that ended and I really wasn’t ready. You see I have always been very active in my boys lives. It was very seldom that I said no to volunteer opportunities at school or in the sports programs. What would I do with all that free time? I knew I would miss seeing him play soccer and the connections with all our soccer family friends. I also realized as he walked across the stage at graduation that now all 3 of my boys were young men and would at some point move out and on their own (my husband is not sure that will ever happen – since they all choose to go to college locally and live at home).
I watched as a relationship one of my sons was in ended after 4 years and saw him change and mature through it all. He has recently secured a new job and I can see his self esteem start building up again. Just for the record boys hurt after break ups too!
Whoever said that when they were little would be the time of most worry – they were Wrong! I think the older they got the more I had to worry or think about. Driving days, dating days, the peer pressure in High School, rejection from classmates, and the list could go on. I really thought having boys would be easier – no drama. Wrong! Guys go through the same stuff as girls just in different ways.
You know when you bring that cute little bundle of joy home from the hospital you have their future planned to an extent – like school, college, marriage, and then family in that order. Well, that is not what happened with one of our boys. He came to us after dating a girl for a few months and told me she was expecting. I can’t even explain the feelings I went through the first few days of receiving this news. We really didn’t know her well, they had only been dating for a few months, she is a senior in High School and he is in college with a couple of more years to go. The questions hit – What am I going to tell my family? What are the teachers going to think? What are the friends going to think? What about my church family?
I then went through the phase thinking I had failed as a mom. I started to panic in my mind and kept thinking what else have I not taught them correctly? I really started to dig deep into myself and was sad for quite awhile. I prayed, cried, pleaded, and questioned God for several weeks. Why are you putting us through this? What lesson am I supposed to learn here? At first I did not want to talk to anyone and tell them due to being so embarrassed. I talked to my pastors wife and she was very encouraging. She reminded me that the baby was a blessing from God and that I needed to pray for the baby. She also reminded me that the baby has nothing to do with the choices the parents made. I understood that and have prayed for the babies’ health and the mother.
I did lots of research for the kids and they were open to things I was sharing with them. At one point we sat with an adoption agency to see what the options would be for them. They were open to the idea and my son actually thought it might be the best for the baby. I did at the time – how were two kids going to care and raise a child? Financially and emotionally they were not ready for this venture. I prayed that they would give the baby up for adoption. As I said, I became very involved in the situation and attended most of the doctor appointments and ultrasounds. At one of the ultrasounds we found out they were having a little girl. They were both very excited about that. I had a feeling at that time they were not considering adoption any longer. The next ultrasound was a 4D . Let me just say if you have never seen one it will amaze you! All was going well and then that little girl turned and looked right at us with her beautiful eyes – I looked at the kids and knew at that point she was not going anywhere. I felt a special connection at that point as well.
Life continued on and my emotions and thoughts were all over the place. I decided with help from above to take a Bible study on Choosing Gratitude. God really worked on my heart in this study. He taught me that I need to be thankful for whatever he brings into my life. I don’t have to be happy but I need to not complain either. This was a hard lesson for me as I was finding myself doing a lot of whining. I clung to the verses: 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. There were a couple of songs that really caught my attention through this time – one was “Bring the Rain” from Mercy Me and “Blessing from Laura Story. I kept feeling that God has a plan for me in this whole thing – not sure exactly what it is right now but I trust that he will show me in “His Time”.
I’ve have spent a lot of time with my son’s girlfriend and have gotten to know her better. She is due any day now and we are awaiting the birth of our first grandchild (I might add I am too young to be a grandma). God is still working in this situation and I am thanking him all the way!
I am very proud of my boys and am trusting God to get them through the challenges in life. Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.